“MAKE MORE EYE CONTACT”, “Stop looking down”, “Stop Rapping”, “Stop speaking like a mouse!!!” (can mice speak though?)
If you make up 99% of the population that fears public speaking, you’ve probably heard similar advice before. The cutest (it’s a euphemism) advice I’ve ever heard was from my JC project work teacher, whom told me: “Kevin, you need to adjust your eyebrows, you look too scary”. I thought ‘Well EXCUSE ME, would you like to ask my mum why it’s like that’. Jokes aside, she had good intentions and was referring to the influence of facial expressions. (Also, she might’ve been especially stern because she once scolded me for scaring my classmates with a cockroach. Truth: I graciously picked it up and classmates were screaming)
Such advice refer to the verbal and non-verbal cues of public speaking, that a quick Google Search will reveal. Although important, they only emphasis techniques, and not the mindset behind speaking. For novice speakers, it might be a Band-Aid. In coaching people to speak better, I’ve realized that reframing their mind can have a more immediate impact. Once mindsets are internalized, techniques can be developed more naturally. So if you’re a student, business owner or anyone looking to improve that feared presentation, here are 3 useful mindsets that’ll help:
- Have a Conversation; Don’t “Make a Speech”
*Cue robot voice* “Hello, my name is Robocop and today I am going to give a speech about why you…” If you’ve grown up in Singapore, it’s highly likely you’ve heard or started a presentation this way. In perceiving presentation as a ‘formal speech’, we might be overly solemn and robotic. Next time you deliver a presentation, imagine you’re having a conversation with a friend. The reframing will help you be more relaxed and conversational, which naturally conveys sincerity and increases engagement. Of course, don’t go overboard on Singlish, just a little would be useful when telling a story or joke. If appropriate, ask questions or begin with a personal story. Talk with the audience, not at them. Remember, the most effective speakers converse with their audience.
- Be Authentic; Don’t try too hard to impress
When I first started in the training field, I was obsessed to impress. ‘Is my hair neat?’ ‘Are my jokes good?’, ‘Am I projecting my voice?’. In being overly concerned with my ‘performance’, I would lose track of my real focus: the audience. Also, I listened to famous speakers like Les Brown and tried to imitate their immense power and pace. There were two problems: 1. Those speakers, mostly black and huge, have circumferences thrice my size AND 2. I’m a stick. So, I would run out of breath and sound like a dying seal. The solution was to be authentic; I received feedback that my strength lies in the warmth and sincerity I can convey with my voice and emotions. In focusing on this, I became more natural and my training became more effective.
How can you apply this principle? When preparing and presenting, be authentic, play to your strengths, and avoid blind imitation of others strengths. If you’re unaware, ask friends for feedback. Some speakers have natural humour; some have naturally resonance (power); some convey enthusiasm better. It’s not to say you don’t improve your weakness, but don’t overdo it. In presenting or in life, remember this:
As hard as you try to be someone, you’ll always be a second class someone else. Be yourself, and you’ll always be a first class you. (Unless you’re a criminal, then don’t be yourself)
- Be Vulnerable; Don’t be too guarded
Be vulnerable. Share your fears, struggles and trials, how it has broken you, shaped you and built you. Yes, I know, vulnerability is scary, especially in a culture where its taboo to show “weakness”. Yet, being vulnerable is the one of the most, if not, the most powerful principle in public speaking. Why? Research into interpersonal communication shows that emotional connection is positively correlated to the depth of ‘self-disclosure’. Which means the more someone opens up to you (disclosure), the more likely you are to reciprocate and develop trust. Think back to how your best friendships or romantic relationships were formed, it was probably fueled by mutual self-disclosure. Public speaking is no different; being vulnerable is the ONLY bridge to connection, and connection is the ultimate aim of public speaking. Vulnerability through personal stories makes you relatable and authentic (point 2), and the audience feels like you are conversing with them (point 1). Reflect on the last time you were impacted by someone’s presentation. You likely connected to the speaker’s vulnerability.
But how do I be vulnerable? Word of caution. Oversharing and complaining can be misconstrued as ‘seeking sympathy’. (For example, it may not be wise to spend 10 mins moaning about how your “true love” backstabbed you after an exceptionally long and steady relationship of 3 weeks)
Rather, the trick is to share objectively and sincerely, just enough for the audience to feel your heart, and promptly share the lessons you learnt and want your audience to adopt. Done right, you will hit the ‘sweet spot’, reflected in the transfixed look in the audiences’ eyes and the feeling of connection and love. This, in my opinion, is the greatest serenity and value of public speaking.
“What makes you vulnerable is what makes you beautiful”- Brene Brown
Ace your Presentation
Hope that these 3 time tested principles would be useful to you as it has been for me. Not just in public speaking, but also in everyday communication. Looking forward to you acing that next speech…I mean, conversation 😉
Education. Entrepreneurship. Personal Development. 