Step beyond your ‘comfort zone’!!! (A comprehensive look)

Perhaps you’ve chanced across the cover photo, or a quote that states “Magic begins at the end of your comfort zone”.  You might furrow your brows and think: ‘What nonsense, what is this ‘magic’?!?!? I don’t want to be a magician anyway.’ Or if you’re optimistic about life (aka younger), you might get “motivated” without any real direction.

Either way, due to a gap in understanding, the oft quoted concept of “getting out of your comfort zone” may not create significant change. Yet, a deeper appreciation and application of this concept is crucial in personal and professional success.

As such, to help you use this concept to your advantage, this post will

1. Define the ‘comfort zone’
2. Share the drawbacks of staying in the comfort zone
3. Explain this elusive ‘magic’ of stepping out of your comfort zone.

(This post is not meant as a listicle, but a comprehensive read: ~5-7mins)

Defining the comfort zone

The ‘comfort zone’ simply means tasks or environments we are comfortable with. In your comfort zone, you excel with little fear or distress. Interestingly, everyone’s comfort zone is different; presenting may be comfortable to me, but not to you.  Coding may be comfortable to someone else, but not to me.

The word ‘comfort’ comes from Latin ‘confortare’, which means ‘to strengthen’.  Comfort zones are refer to areas in your life where you receive adequate support.  For example, a school environment may be comfortable, but not a working one.

We are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain.  As such we naturally gravitate towards our ‘comfort zone’.  This instinct ensures our basic survival yet (ironically) also threatens it. How?

Dangers of the Comfort Zone

1. Complacency and Consequence

There was a frog who came across two pots of water. It jumped into the first pot, but the water was scalding hot, so it immediately got out. Then, it jumped into the second pot where the temperature was lower.  Slowly, the sun started to heat up the water, but the frog stayed comfortable. Eventually, the water boiled and cooked the frog.  (Yes I know frogs aren’t stupid, but you get the point).  In our studies or profession, comfort can breed complacency, and complacency kills. We suffer from the arrival syndrome and find no need to improve.  Truth is, the environment is continuous evolving; technology advances, companies acquire one another, roles might require new skills. If we don’t adapt to changing needs, we will suffer the consequences – regressing and/or getting replaced. Conor McGregor, a renown mixed martial artist, once said in an interview: “People say a loss can make or break a fighter. I don’t think so. I think a win can make or break a fighter. Because you get comfortable and slack off”.   Life is no different. The comfort zone is your failure zone.

“If you sleep on a win, you’ll wake up with a loss”- Conor McGregor

2. Comfort breeds weaknesses

The comfort zone also refers to environments where we receive an overabundance of support.  You’ve probably heard the true story of how a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly – If you pity it and help it out of his cocoon, it develops an incapability to fly. Struggle is necessary for its full development.  This phenomenon is a perfect metaphor for life.  Kids raised with a silver spoon may be more dependent and less equipped to deal with life’s challenges. Academic success supported by a kind environment may not necessary translate to professional success, since key traits like resourcefulness or resilience can only be developed through struggle.

Dr De Martini, a respected researcher and speaker, said that we need a balance of support and challenge ; an over or under supply of either can result in poor mental health. If you’re helping someone, be careful not to tip the balance – over support can unintentionally weaken a person.  If you’re currently receiving support at your beg and call, you might consider being more independent.

3. Spiritual Dissatisfaction and Regret

The most crippling consequence of staying in the comfort zone is spiritual dissatisfaction. We are spiritual beings, blessed with unique gifts.  When we deny the expression of these gifts, we feel inauthentic, frustrated and unfulfilled. Just like how physical pain compels us to see the doctor, such emotions are feedback systems that urges us to change and ‘do something’.  This is why we subtly recognize the importance of stepping beyond our comfort zone to pursue something of value.  Maybe it’s a choice of a study path, of starting a business, or even simply asking someone out.

Yet, fear holds us back.  What fear? The fear of failure, of what others think, of rejection.  In the end, we live up to others (parental, societal, cultural) expectations instead of our own; we please everyone except the person that matters most – ourselves.  This is a sad reality and the basis of regret. In a book entitled “5 secrets to discover before you die”, John Izzo interviews over 200 elderly people, ages 60-106 years old, to share ‘secrets’ most valuable for a meaningful life.  One of the ‘secrets’ was ‘leave no regrets’.  I quote the book: “It became evident that at the end of our lives, we will not regret risks we took.  Not one person said they regretted trying something, even if it didn’t work out as hoped.  Yet, many regretted not taking enough risks.” Interestingly, the word ‘Regret’ comes from Old French ‘regreter’, which means to moan or bewail someone’s death.  If we stay in the comfort zone and be too afraid, we will eventually moan the death of our talents and abilities that could’ve been.

Success begins at end of the comfort zone

Not that you understand the drawbacks of the comfort zone, here are the benefits of stepping beyond it.

1. Personal Responsibility and Continuous Growth

Take a look at the ‘Before’ diagram above.  Your comfort zone is synonymous with your circle of influence. It refers to tasks/skills you are comfortable executing, which leads to outcomes you have influence over.  The circle of concern refers to problems that frustrate you, that are out of your comfort zone.  When faced with a concern, there are generally two responses: 1. Most people will engage in what I like to call the C³ (complain criticize, condemn) and BMW (Blame, Moan and Whine).  For example, when you fail a test or perform badly at work, you might point fingers at a teacher’s or colleague’s incapability.  While it could be partially true, focusing solely on the concern will not help; it will cause you to revolve around the circle of concern (hence the term ‘going around in circles’).  You’ll get increasingly frustrated because what you focus on expands; your attention and energy is directed towards the concern and not the solution.

What then is the solution? It is the second response, to take personal responsibility. The word responsibility is a blending of response + ability; the ability to respond.   Responsibility asks the question: “What can I do?” and adopts the response: “For things to change, first I must change”.  It focus on the “I”.  This doesn’t mean that you blame yourself for every problem, rather acknowledge that it is more worthwhile to focus on your response (which you have control over), and not the external circumstances (which you don’t have control over).

This is where you decide to step out of your comfort zone / expand your circle of influence. When you attempt to, you enter the growth zone, where there is fear and frustration. You are bound to regress, but don’t quit. Unfortunately, some quit and permanently C^3 and BMW.  Yet, if you wish to experience personal growth and solve problems, it is absolutely crucial that you preserve.  The beautiful thing about this is that you literally become ‘bigger than your problems’.

Take the earlier example. Instead of blaming, the student can do more independent study, seek help from friends, or speak to the teacher sincerely about the concern.  The worker can improve his/her communication skills and ability to work with different personalities.  Either way, both of them are sharpening their resourcefulness and responsibility.  Referring to the ‘After’ diagram above, they have now expanded their comfort zone / circle of influence to overlap this particular concern.  In future, a similar problem will be less worrying, as they are comfortable handling it. However, if you choose not to expand your comfort zone, the same problems will repeat themselves over and over, because the real ‘problem’ is YOU. (ie. your lack of influence to deal with it)

“Circumstances don’t make a man, it reveals himself to him”- James Allen

It is also interestingly to note that 1. Everyone’s comfort zone is different and 2. There is always room to expand your comfort zone.  Singing might be excruciating to me, but not to a singer; giving a presentation might be comfortable to me but not to you. As such, it is unwise to make comparisons and prudent to focus on yourself.  Also (and I find this humbling), regardless of how “good” you are at something, regardless of how much you expand your comfort zone, the circle of concern will always exist.  I can speak comfortably in front of 40 people, but 1000 might be a concern. I can expand my influence to be comfortable with 1000 people, but what about 10,000, or what about different audiences and content?

And this ties to the principle of ‘growth’. I quote Paul Kalanthini where he said: “Darwin and Nietzsche agreed on one thing: the defining characteristic of the organism is striving”.  Nature reveals this: a plant is either growing or dying (technically it’s both, but again, you get the point).  Similarly, we derive meaning and happiness from growth, expanding our comfort zone to overcome our problems. Stagnation (in a r/s, studies, anything) can feel awful. So, decide to choose growth.

2. Authenticity – Fulfillment – Contribution

Authenticity means being true to yourself.  It means stepping out of comfort and following your heart despite resistance and opposing expectations.  Authenticity is the prerequisite to fulfillment.  I restate, we are spiritual beings, blessed with unique gifts. When we take courage and express those gifts, we feel  authentic and fulfilled.  At a top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is spiritual need – self-actualization, to ‘actualize ourselves’ or become the best version of ourselves. When we do, we offer a unique contribution to the world; no one else but you and offer your gift.  Mother Theresa probably couldn’t invent a light bulb, and Edison can’t serve the poor in the same capacity as MT did.  Too often, out of fear disguised as practicality, we labour at something we’re not designed to do, and forgo that unique contribution we offer.  Take any example of a respected figure who made significant contribution (Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Bill Gates, etc) and you’ll see that stuck by their mission despite conflict, criticism and cynicism.

About 1.5 years ago, I dreamt of speaking to youth in schools. Yet, there was considerable apprehension.  I told a friend: “I have a love for this, but what credibility do I have? I’m afraid I’m not capable enough”. He replied: “We all start somewhere.  Remember your struggles and triumphs over the last 5 years. Then go back in time. What are the most valuable things you want to tell your 16,17 year old self?  That is your credibility.” These words started my journey.  I messaged founders of training companies on LinkedIn, started work and never looked back.  Reflecting on it, my work has brought me an inexplicable joy and fulfillment.  Had I listened to my fears, I would never have this avenue for contribution.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others” – Marianne Williamson

Knowledge is only potential power.

We’ve all heard that “Knowledge is power”.  It’s not true. Applied knowledge is power.  With this increased awareness, my hope is that you’ll take that bold step outside your comfort zone.  It could be an interest you’ve wanted to explore, a course you want to pursue, or picking up a new skill. It need not always be a grand pursuit; it could simply be taking responsibility to improve a strained relationship or deciding to blame less and focus on solutions.

The ‘comfort zone’ might feel safer, less risky, more “practical”.  Yet, I contest that we are not created merely just to survive; we are created to thrive and take risks, to express our God-given talents and contribute beyond ourselves.  Paradoxically, only by venturing beyond our self-imposed ‘comfort zone’, can our spirit find true ‘comfort’!

“Ships are safe in the harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for”